Hmmm

Hmm. I want to scream. I really have no clue. My heart pulsates whenever my eyes meet yours. I guess this is why every time I've said no. I want keep my distance before I fall too deep. I will start having second guesses. Being conscious about myself whenever I see you. It hasn't been a long time since we've known each other. My actions have caused misunderstandings already and I'm really afraid shit might happen again. Hmm. What a to-do. I haven't forgotten my committment to someone. Though it might seem impossible that it might even happen. Haiz. I guess life just gets even more complicating though everytime I say that life is actually that simple to live. Ahh fuck it. Love sucks. Though single life is rocking my socks away, I miss having someone being there for me when I'm really in need of help and support. A special companion. A treasured someone. Yes, indeed friends have been a real help to me for the past 2+ years but I still yearn for that feeling. What with poly being an integral part of me now, it is difficult to adapt to the need of better time management. I barely have time for many things nowadays. So.. fuck this shit.

·Peace™·
Ahh fuck it..

Misunderstandings..

Aye.. where to start? I have been feeling mis-understood all this time. I think everyone that I'm close to, or at least, good friends with, know that I am someone who treats everyone well, as long as your my friend. But if my actions seem to show a motive or giving you a hint to something, please I beg you, NOT TO MIS-UNDERSTAND MY ACTIONS. I treat everyone fairly and equally. It is never in my nature to mis-treat somebody. Even if I do, I make up the mistake and make it up to that person. I never want people to mis-understand my actions and let them know that whatever I'm doing is really, just in my nature.

Hmm. This few days has been a turmoil for me. Money spent unwisely was 1. I mean, $47.50 on bowling? WHOA! Then there were other issues where I feel I'm being used. This has been a very long time since I've ranted here since I've been typing out about mistakes I myself have learnt from. I hate the feeling of being used. Time and again, I've told myself that no matter under what circumstances, I shall never be someone needed only for the bad times. I mean, it is alright if you want me to lend you a listening ear, however I don't want to be taken for granted. That sucks, really.

Why have so much problems come up with whatever I do? I can't live by each day thinking whether I have created problem. My actions have caused mis-understandings. My heart has been played. The one interest that I have is slipping away and most probably belong to someone else already. I think the only reason why I am still able to wake up each day is to look forward to soccer trainings and hanging out with the soccer team. I hardly know what I am up to and barely know what are my directions. Even sailing, I am losing out the passion I am having in it. Yes he might not make it but will they still want to consider me? My soccer standard has dropped considerably. The only thing that I am good at, I think, is just playing DotA, and wasting money away. I can't wait for school to start so that I can put my focus at somewhere else and not think of the daily problems. I can't rely on playing pool or going bowling as it really is taking up too much money of mine. Haiz, how good is it not to be me eh?

·Peace™·
Cos' I'm fading out..

If..

Here is a song that we should all listen to:

"My best friend gave me the best advice
He said each day's a gift and not a given right
Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind
And try to take the path less traveled by
That first step you take is the longest stride
If today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
If today was your last day
Against the grain should be a way of life
What's worth the prize is always worth the fight
Every second counts 'cause there's no second try
So live like you'll never live it twice
Don't take the free ride in your own life
If today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
Would you call old friends you never see?
Reminisce of memories
Would you forgive your enemies?
Would you find that one you're dreamin' of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you finally fall in love
If today was your last day
If today was your last day
Would you make your mark by mending a broken heart?
You know it's never too late to shoot for the stars
Regardless of who you are
So do whatever it takes
'Cause you can't rewind a moment in this life
Let nothin' stand in your way
Cause the hands of time are never on your side
If today was your last day
And tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past
Donate every dime you have?
Would you call old friends you never see?
Reminisce of memories
Would you forgive your enemies?
Would you find that one you're dreamin' of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you finally fall in love
If today was your last day"

Whats past is past, however take some time off to remember and enjoy what you have done before. Never forget friends of old and new. Live each day as though it is the last. Make your life good no matter how hard it is. I love this part.." Each day's a gift and not a given right. Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind. That first step you take is the longest stride. "

What a song..

·Peace™·
Cos' just enjoy every moment of your life..